Kids Martial Arts and Confidence

Posted by admin on Jan 29, 2013 in Kids martial arts classes | 0 comments

Kids martial arts classes and failure

I think that building confidence is the art of failure.

I know it sounds counter-intuitive but stick with me for a minute. I think that building confidence is building competence in what you do and in order to find out what that is you have to proceed down a new path that is unfamiliar. In essence you have to learn what you don’t know and that entails not being good at something the first time. Building confidence is about feeling secure in who you are, in what you do. There are a lot of people who need to feel confident and need to feel like they can win. Whenever this idea pops into my head I always go back to a Sam Harris article: The Pleasures of Drowning.

There’s a good story in it of a master aikidoka who apparently is so confident in his technique of felling opponents without touching them that when he engages with someone who is not a complicit student or follower he has a stark experience. It’s unfortunate that it had to happen that way but in the end my guess is that the master probably learned a lot about his art.

I don’t necessarily advocate that kids should fail on purpose because failing, or succeeding for that matter, without any struggle isn’t beneficial. It’s a fine line because failing often can be discouraging and winning all the time will create a hubristic demeanor. We all experience this in our stages of life: in some cases we feel defeated and in other cases we feel overly confident.

Kids martial arts and cleaning your room

I notice that my child has gained a lot of extra confidence in her kids martial arts class and it has worked for her and against her some times since starting. Some days when I tell her to clean her room she will argue with me about the merits of cleaning her room and it becomes almost ontological when she debates. In the end she still has to clean her room. I’ve been able to leverage what she learns in her kids martial arts class so that she will clean her room to practice. She will clear a space on the floor where once was a mess of toys so we can roll and she can teach me what she has learned in her kids martial arts class. She was sure of herself and confident prior to taking kids martial arts class, I feel fortunate she has that personality trait. Occasionally, however, hubris surfaces somewhat profoundly. There are times when she, too, has a stark experience with reality. The way I approach it when she is discouraged or upset about something is to be sure that she is aware that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, but she can continually learn and grow from those experiences. I see that she is learning humility and gaining confidence in her ability to learn in her kids martial arts class. There’s real value in that ebb and flow of learning from mistakes and feeling good about when you work hard to keep moving forward and reaching a new level…that builds confidence.

She just thinks it’s exciting and fun.

Kids Martial Arts and Compassion?

Posted by admin on Jan 11, 2013 in Kids martial arts classes | 1 comment

Can kids martial arts training help your child be more compassionate?

I often wonder how compassion has entered the consciousness of many martial artists. It seems to be a theme that runs through many different martial arts. Compassion, as defined by Merriam-Webster, is: sympathetic consciousness of others’ distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

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I think there are many reasons to have your child enrolled in kids martial arts training, I’m just uncertain if compassion is the first thing that parents think of as a reason. There are a lot of parents who don’t want their children in any kind of kids martial arts class because they think of it as fighting, and they don’t want to encourage fighting. This comes up often in different discussions and I think that it is somewhat merited. There is plenty of glorification of violence and various characters are portrayed as being a master of a certain martial art. A lot of bad movies and TV shows are out there. I feel fortunate those weren’t the kinds of movies I liked.

Movies, Kids Martial Arts = Kung Fu Theatre

I remember staying up to watch Kung Fu Theatre and watching Bruce Lee in Fists of Fury. I loved it! I loved the story and was wholly, emotionally invested in the protagonist. There are also the spaghetti westerns like Maginificent 7 and Fistful of Dollars which I, as I grew older, found out were based on the old Kurosawa samurai movies Seven Samurai and Yojimbo. I suppose you could throw in Star Wars as well which is a story initially based on another old Kurosawa film called The Hidden Fortress. There’s always a good guy and a formidable bad guy.

I think some people think if they enroll in kids martial arts training the children will grow into being bullies….

I read a good piece on a fighter today that I found intriguing because it seemed the furthest thing away from being a bully. What grabbed me to follow the link to the original piece/interview was reading this quote:

“It’s important to be playful and I think that’s the key to success, not just for athletes but for everyone; also to be calm and composed. The better you feel, and the more at ease you are with everyone and everything, the easier it is to focus; also your brain functions quicker, and you have more ambition, energy and self-confidence,” -Gunnar Nelson Ultimate Icelander

Kids Martial Arts can be compassionate and lots of fun

Another point that Gunnar Nelson said in the interview that struck me was when he says “They think maximum result during training is necessary and can’t stand to lose to training partners. That to me is a mistake and it is generally a bad idea to stand on a pedestal. If you do that, you’ll miss out on so many things you could learn. During training sessions, I’ve been beaten up numerous times, by fighters I would easily take inside the ring. It’s okay to give up sometimes, because it means you’ll come back stronger.”

To me, that is compassion and it makes all the sense in the world. It’s similar to when I’m playing chess just for fun and I want to see where a move takes me without concern for winning or losing. I just want to see how the game evolves and both of us playing can learn. However, I also see how it may be a little strange for people to hear someone say something like “it’s okay to give up” without the context. When you’re playing there is competition but when it’s fun people lose track of keeping score as they keep it playful. Just having fun is enough to enjoy the endeavor-whatever it is you are doing.

Kids martial arts training should be fun. When it’s fun the kids don’t want to stop playing, which is essentially learning and guiding each other. I know my daughter loves it. In her kids martial arts class she learns about friendship, respect, and has lots of fun playing games. She’s currently in a class of mixed levels and she seems to learn from her fellow students as well as her coach. This is a dual bonus because she’s learning on two levels: (1) there is some form of mentorship and passing on what they know to each other and (2) they are role models for her to play a similar, helpful role for her younger sibling as a big sister and future students who will follow and take a kids martial arts class.

If I asked her she would just say that her kids martial arts class is fun…

But I see compassion (and fun).

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Learning to be comfortable when you’re uncomfortable: kids martial arts classes at SBGi

Posted by admin on Jan 3, 2013 in Kids martial arts classes, Kids martial arts classes - Parents point of view | 0 comments

The last kids martial arts class of 2012

So we’re at the beginning of a new year and everyone is looking forward to an exciting 2013. I noticed at the last kids martial arts class that many were on vacation. We were very happy to be able to go to class and it was very considerate for the coaches to hold it for the kids.

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I was able to get to the kids martial arts class early because I caught an early bus by accident. It was nice to be out and about a little, it kept things normal for the kids during vacations. The coaches were really great, hanging out with the kids and though the kids focused on playing (a lot) they got some good rolling in. I was a proud father, I have to say, because of the way my child performed in class. It has been a short time but she has learned a lot and retains a lot as well. The kids martial arts classes are so much fun for her that she remembers having fun and what games they played. This has, in turn, revealed some interesting attributes of confidence and humility at the same time.

John Wooden is often quoted saying “Sports don’t build character…they reveal it.”

I try not to be a helicopter parent and interfere with the coaches when she’s in her kids martial arts class. I check in with coaches because I know my daughter and how she can behave. It’s always nice to hear feedback about how I can help her in her kids martial arts class. I’ve talked to coach Amanda, who leads the kids martial arts classes at SBGi, about her progress probably more often than necessary. My daughter really enjoys going to her kids martial arts class and seeing her coaches and classmates.

On the last day of her kids martial arts class for 2012 she was matched with another student who she thought she wasn’t good enough to roll with but coach Craig assured her it was a good idea to try something that might be uncomfortable, that she was safe. She was concerned because he is a higher ranked belt and she had the awareness to know that he had been going to classes longer than her.

After class he reported that she practiced and rolled with her partner a few times in her kids martial arts class. He said that she accepted the challenge but didn’t last very long in the first match. Each successive time he noticed that she would last a little bit longer, learning from the previous match, and he continued to encourage her, coaching her through each successive match. She listened and became more comfortable with her own uncomfortable situation. She did well, learned she could hang with a higher ranked classmate, and had a great time. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that her higher ranked partner was also an amazing leader for her-he didn’t completely overpower her with skill but also did not make it easy in any way. It’s as if he knew that letting her “win” wouldn’t help.

I can understand that there are different ways to run kids martial arts classes and there are technical standards that adhere to levels/ranks; however, there are some amazing things that happen when you have a good group of people. At the SBGi kids martial arts class it’s an open and accepting environment to learn for everyone. The coaches teach kids martial arts class and also teach/participate in adult classes. There are intangibles that are understated because they are simple details that make a huge difference. My daughter exhibited humility, confidence, and courage because she had a good coach, and a good partner, in her class that exhibited humility, confidence, and competence. I imagine that she will continue to grow and learn in her kids martial arts class and it will help her outside of class. She will someday model those for her younger brother and other kids as well.

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” -Henry Ford.

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“You’re always going to be better if you’re painting your own picture” -Matt Thornton

Posted by admin on Dec 20, 2012 in Kids martial arts classes | 0 comments

Kids Martial Arts and Fundamentals

I’m always looking for ways to encourage my daughter to engage in her kids martial arts class and make mistakes.

I want her to be able to learn something and be able to try and find her own way and the best way to go about that is for her to make mistakes and learn. It’s not always about what you do but how you do it and I want her to realize that there are always different ways to learn-what works for one child may not work for her. Whether it’s something in school, in her kids martial arts class, or her sports she will have her own distinct signature or style to learn and do that activity.

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This is also true of me as a parent.

I find that sometimes I get caught up in doing things my own way and I have to realize and be open to the fact that when I show or teach my daughter something she will see me do it and try to do it her own way. I have coached and played lacrosse for 20+ years and there are 2 tenets I adhere to when I coach: fundamentals and scrimmaging. When I coached I wanted kids to learn the basics, the fundamentals of what was being taught. They needed to learn these so they could play the game. Scrimmaging was important because they needed to be able to learn timing to use the skill in a live setting, to understand the speed of the game. One coach I worked with espoused that if you take one team and only do drills for 1 month and another team and only scrimmage for a month the team that scrimmages will beat the team that drills. There are obviously degrees to this because they need to learn fundamental skills and then apply them to the game, but the idea that the skill is best when applied, as opposed to isolated, is there.

 This is true of almost any endeavor including kids martial arts

One of the reasons I chose to enroll my child in kids martial arts is because I want her to be able to have fun. What I wanted to do was to find a program that she would be able to work hard and hopefully flourish in her capacity to learn.

Since starting at SBG she has been teaching me what she has learned in her kid martial arts class. She’s also learning to be patient with me. The environment of learning in her kids martial arts class at SBG: the openness to work hard, make mistakes and learn from them, to see them as a tool is helping her in a way beyond just learning Brazilian jiu-jitsu.

Below is founder of SBG Matt Thornton (@aliveness_ape on twitter) talking about fundamentals in their programs. I love how he says “…it’s like teaching someone to paint by numbers as opposed to just giving them some base colors and letting them paint their own picture. You’re always going to be better if you’re painting your own picture.”

I’m giving my daughter the colors and letting her paint her picture.

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Starting out Karate Kid style?

Posted by admin on Dec 17, 2012 in Kids martial arts classes | 0 comments

Kids model behaviors exhibited around them: coaches as role models in kids martial arts classes

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When I first found out that we were having a daughter I was excited about seeking and finding positive female role models for her. It was an interesting way to look at things and I wanted to be able to surround my daughter with as many positive role models as possible. Before signing up to join kids martial arts classes I did some research as to which art I wanted her to practice, what was close, what was reputable, what was clean, what kind of curriculum did the gym/school have for it’s students. As a parent trying to find the best for their children it can be a little daunting. There is no shortage of kids in martial arts or classes for kids in martial arts. In some ways it reminded me of the Ralph Macchio Karate Kid. New kid moves to town, gets bullied, looks for a school to learn karate only to find the bullies go to the karate school. Needles to say, the Cobra Kai dojo in the movie where the bullies trained was the exact opposite of what I was looking for in kids martial arts classes.

What I was looking for in kids martial arts classes

One thing I was very aware of when looking for a good kids martial arts class was trying to find a place that would encourage her to work hard. Another aspect was trying to find a place that would have good role models, both male and female for her to respect. We all want the best for our kids and we want to help them do well in life, a staple way to do that is to surround them with positive role models.

A great thing about YouTube is that you can search almost anything. SBGi has their own YouTube Channel which is where I found this highlight video of coach Amanda.

Initially my daughter was intrigued and since taking her kids martial arts class she likes to watch it more. She actually watches it and understands it, she can see what techniques she has learned being used and gets excited to see her coach. The fact she does understand, is more excited to watch the video, and others like it is a testament to coach Amanda.

In the end, my daughter has lots of fun, is learning some martial arts skills, and learning it from a role model she respects.

Click here for more info on Kids Martial Arts at SBGi in Portland